I MISS OUR friend, Sign Guy. Last year he marched around Washington Park protesting police in schools, war and dogs pooping in the park. He has yet to make an appearance this month. C'mon, Sign Guy! We demand to be entertained.
He could have a field day this morning. The Quincy Park District is taking down the Christmas lights in the park. Already? Christmas has only been over for a month. Sign Guy needs a sign that says, "Leave Up The Lights" and "Christmas Is Forever" and "Why Aren't Easter Eggs In The Park Yet?"
People leave food for the squirrels in the park. When I walk Angus, he eats the food. And I mean disgusting day-old donuts, peanuts and corn cobs. Sign Guy needs a sign - "Do Not Feed The Music Store Owner Or His Dog."
The other day a huge park tree was sawed down. There is sawdust everywhere. Aha! "No More Dust In My Grass." A perfect sign!
I think Sign Guy should protest anybody playing songs by Canadians, like when local radio guy Beau Becraft pulls out "Run To You" by Bryan Adams. "Run Away From Hosers" would be a good sign. Then I'd get mad, show him my Canadian citizenship card, and challenge him to a curling match. It would be epic.
Somebody had a great idea for the vacant lot at Fourth and Maine - a Wiffle ball field. I will call up my buddy Gary McElfresh and we can organize a league, and knock out windows of surrounding buildings with prodigious plastic bat blasts. And Sign Guy can make daily trips across the street and carry signs like "Save Our Windows, Ban The Bats" and "Hart Throws Like A Girl" and other witty observations.
We could use Sign Guy for daily reminders. "Frank Haxel - Make A Cardboard Run For Second String Music" would be a good sign. It's long so he might have to carry two signs, or get his helpers to help.
Get with the program, Sign Guy! We demand a return. Then we will gather and march ourselves with signs in the park that say "No More Washington Park Protests." And we will have Wiffle ball practice.
March on, Sign Guy. March on.