Gnats and bugs in the backyard

I TRIED TO sit in the backyard this morning and soak in the beautiful early summer weather. But the gnats were too thick and they drove me inside.

Why are gnats spelled with a G? Why are they so gobnoxious? I don't understand. They likely get together after spawning in some sludge-filled pond or slimy rainwater bucket and say, "Let's buzz the poor SOB who is trying to drink his coffee outside. He doesn't have a job anyway."

Three nights ago the legendary Greg Ellery came over and we had a lovely evening by the fire pit. There were no gnats. Maybe the smoke drove them away, or our witty banter about The Room, acting and how to get from Michigan to Quincy in just five hours, instead of eight.

Then they appeared yesterday out of nowhere and they are particularly nasty this year. We even noticed them on our long walk this morning - walking and swatting gnats is no fun.

Gnats. The very word is irritating. I just Googled the word "irritating" so I could spell it, no thanks to the gnats. It's enough to make me say GUH - at least GUH has a hard G in front of it.

What is their purpose? Bird food? Aerial surveillance so no Trump supporter causes a riot in Calftown?

Go gaway, gnat.

Maybe our rainy spring has caused a gnat outbreak. They are even in Washington Park, and I sure hope the Outside People have bug spray. We are a week away from Blues In The District and we don't want gnats to gnaw on our gnether regions.

Sheryl has particularly sweet blood and the mosquitoes dive-bomb her at will. We've used two cans of bug spray already in the past week and it's not getting better - it might be time to get the ancient yet deadly bug zapper of doom out to cut down on the gnat population.

In the meantime, take steps to protect yourself from the gnats, even though gnothing seems to help.