Dude, your car is crushed

SO WE GOT home last night a little after 6 and thought about running some errands. The trees down in the middle of the street sort of convinced us to stay home.

The sirens went off, the sky turned black and teal, and Sheryl was in a panic. We rushed inside, woke her nephew up (he is staying with us for a short time) and headed into the basement. We waited.

"The worst is over," I said, after about 15 minutes of hearing the rain pelt the house. "I'm going up."

I walked to the back door. I went outside. I stopped.

I could not believe my eyes.

This is Evan's car. Or, WAS Evan's car.

Our huge oak tree by our garage was toppled over by the straightline winds. It landed on Sheryl's nephew's car. It missed my car by two inches. It fell over not minutes after we went past it. Our garage and shed have been moved several feet and will have to be demolished.

Evan, Sheryl's nephew, stood in shock.

"Dude," I said, "your car is crushed."

Then we looked out front. It wasn't any better. The top of a tree got ripped in half landed on our roof. It busted the glass of the picture window, but thank goodness our neighbors came over and cut off the branches threatening to push in the window.

Candles were our friends last night. Who knows how long we'll be without power - one of the neighbors said they saw the transformer around the corner get hit by lightning.

At least we have added shade in the front of the house now. GUH.

The store is fine. We lost one of the metal balcony railings on the Fifth Street Side. A window got busted on the third floor, another on the fifth floor. Washington Park is a mess. But we are lucky - around the corner, a restaurant got whacked, and windows are blown out all up and down Maine Street. There is debris everywhere, streets closed, power lines down. I hear Madison Park at 24th and Maine got absolutely destroyed.

Now I'm hearing the Civil War Monument in Woodland Cemetery has been blown over. I'm gonna cry.

A word about the gawkers who drove by all night. Stay the bleep home. Stay off my street. You aren't doing any good. You are going to drive over a live power line or run into something gaping at the damage. It does you no good. I feel like I'm going to punch you in the face if you keep doing it.

It's a pain in the ass. Cleanup will take forever - you know how hard it is to get a tree service to actually call you back and come out? It's only going to be 95 degrees today, with 90 percent humidity.

But we are fine, Fast Eddie is fine, the dogs are fine. We can replace stuff and deal with the logistical nightmares.

I don't want to see any more rain or storms again this summer. Please?