Thursday, May 30, 2019

Gnashing teeth over gnats

FIRST OF ALL, why is there a G in the word "gnats?" If we start putting consonants in front of words and leave out vowels, the world will indeed be a very gscary gplace.

Secondly, what do you do about gnats? Do you tell them the G is useless and hope they get depressed and go away? They are everywhere right now because of our near-record rains, and we can't even walk in Washington Park because of the gswarms of gnats. Then again, the Outside People can't even sit in the park right now and I really hope our Farmer's Market this Saturday won't get gnatted out.

Ggo away, stupid Gnats!
Yesterday about 3 p.m. I took Angus into the park and they enveloped him when he was doing his bidness. Angus simply shook his head and looked for the next spot to mark, but I ate about 12 gnats and started gnashing my gteeth. We came back into the store, and several gnats came in with me, and Sheryl spent the next hour swatting anything that gmoved. Double G GGUH.

It's not ggoing to gget better. The Mississippi River is cresting at near-record levels this weekend and the tepid flood waters are perfect breeding ggrounds for more gnats. Bridges are closing, streets are closing and Clat Adams Park is completely submerged right now. It's just really Ggross. I guess we gget out the bug spray and cover our faces while we walk and hope they ggo away.

If it doesn't rain Friday afternoon, perhaps we'll sit on the sidewalk and smoke the necessary cigars to keep the gnats away. Gnats hate cigar smoke. Especially cheap Cuban reject cigar smoke.

Hey. We'll do anything to keep those darns gnats from ruining happy hour.

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