Need vs. want and Bad Rodney

TROUBLE FOLLOWS WHEN I listen to Bad Rodney. It's a losing proposition and all I do is screw myself into the ground.

"Look," I said to Bad Rodney the other day. "I don't need another guitar. I have plenty of guitars. I'm happy with my guitars. They are amazing. I'm good. Thanks."

Bad Rodney, however, has a different idea. He's the diabolical devil on my left shoulder, while the Good Rodney angel on my right shoulder shudders in horror as we talk.

"You can NEVER have too many guitars," Bad Rodney says. "Never. NEVER. I will use all caps on all my words or at least capitalize the first letter of every word in every sentence like the TV sports guys until  you Buy Another Guitar!"

Geesh. Sentence me to be hanged by the neck until I cheer up first. Then kill me with the all caps.

"Count up all your guitars," Good Rodney gently suggests.

OK. Good idea. I have my original Lotus acoustic, Alvarez and Takamine acoustics, and another battered acoustic somewhere I haven't seen for awhile.

Then there's the electric guitars - the G&L Telecaster, the Gretsch hollow body, the vintage Gretsch Cutter hollow body, my beloved Fender Stratocaster, and an Epiphone Shadow that gets more and more valuable every day. I think that's it.

"More than enough," coos Good Rodney.

"WRONG," bellows Bad Rodney. "You need more. You own a music store, for crying out loud. How about that amazing Fender Squier Jazzmaster? You don't have one of those. How about one of the Gretsch Jets on the wall behind the counter? How about that Fender American Acoustisonic Telecaster that's all the rage right now? How about one of the Takamine acoustics, the one with the Rosewood sides and back? Huh? HUH?"

"Steady now," Good Rodney says.

I take a deep breath. Then I brush both Rodneys off my shoulders. I can handle this. I don't need another guitar, but I do love to be tempted. I'm good.

"By the way," Sheryl says, "wait until you see the new Gretsch guitars coming in before Christmas. And we just ordered six Mexican Fender electrics."

I look for Good Rodney, but he's ticked off about being told to be quiet, again. I'm on my own.

Mexican Fenders and more Gretsches are on the way.

Heaven help me.