Friday, September 26, 2014

Attorney quote machines

ONE OF MY favorite parts about covering crime and courts for The Whig was hearing what a certain State's Attorney would say in court.

Jon Barnard didn't mince words, and he certainly made them sing. When talking about a defendant having the misfortune to be charged time and time again with the same crime, he'd talk about the guy "being on the cover of Bad Luck Magazine."

One of his best was during a trial of a meth head who was driving a car and crashed it, with one of the passengers dying. Barnard described the vehicle as a "meth-stoked rocketship of doom." Our copy editor at the time made sure that ended up in 80-point headline type.

Jon had a good one earlier this week, during a sentencing for a local man who pleaded guilty to a child porn charge. I'll spare you the details, but let's just say the defendant's story about the child porn on his computer changed several times. This prompted Jon to say the man deserved the "Barry Sanders Award for open-field shiftiness."

Except he eventually was tackled. And not on his way to the end zone, but on his way to prison.

I shoulda been a lawyer. I could have used that last sentence in court.

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