STOP READING THIS right now if you are wearing a Darth Vader mask, buying a Light Saber at WalMart or looking at the instructions for putting together the Millennium Falcon model.
I am in the new Star Wars movie. I have a small but pivotal role. I'm going to tell you about it, and upset you since you've sworn off social media to avoid spoilers.
I also had a role in the original New Hope movie. I play one of the creatures with four eyes in the cantina. It's right after Han Solo blasts the bounty hunter. See if you can pick me out.
I swore to George Lucas I wouldn't tell anybody about my role in the new movie. But then he came into Second String Music the other day and complained about the price of guitar picks. "I can get them online a lot cheaper," he said. "The Blue Book price on this vintage pick is 22 cents, not 25 cents like you charge. You don't really sell these for that price?"
I waved my Light Saber and I cut off his arm and I said, "George, I'm not your father. Leave me. Here's a free store pick for your troubles."
Anyway, in the new movie, I play a traveling minstrel and I'm performing in a cantina full of strange creatures. My guitar breaks, so I approach Luke Skywalker and say, "I'm screwed."
He says, "Not even I can fix that rusted trust rod, even with The Force. Call Don Rust in Ursa. He's the finest luthier in the galaxy, and he outruns Imperial star cruisers all the time." And I leave the cantina with tears in my eyes.
Aren't you glad you've been warned before going to see the movie? Let me know if it's any good. I'll give you a guitar pick for your review.