Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Sports and confusion

SHERYL AND I actually had this conversation the other night at a restaurant. There were TVs with games on. She asked a bunch of questions. And she got more confused after getting the answers.

SHERYL: How come there is basketball on? I thought March Madness was over.
ME: It is over. This is pro basketball, the NBA.
SHERYL: How long does it go?
ME: I don't know. I hate the NBA. I think it goes until June.
SHERYL: That's too long.
ME: (Nods in agreement).
SHERYL: Okay, now there's a hockey game on. Is it hockey season?
ME: Actually, the regular season is almost over. It started in September. Now it's time for the Stanley Cup Playoffs. They go until June, too.
SHERYL: There's a difference between the Stanley Cup and the regular season?
ME: No. Not really. At the end, one team wins the Cup. That's it.
(Pause as food arrives.)
Magnolia Lane of Augusta National. It's a Major road.
SHERYL: Now there is golf on. Golf? In April? A tournament already?
ME: Yes, The Masters. It's in Augusta, Georgia. It's one of four majors. A major is a major tournament. It's the first one of the four. It's very important. This is why everybody is tucking in their shirts and speaking in hushed voices. It's a Major event.
SHERYL: Like these chicken lips are majorly addicting and I can't stop at one?
ME: Yes. Majorly. I will have to take a five-hour golf nap Sunday afternoon, it's so Major.
SHERYL: You take a five-hour golf nap every Sunday. There is nothing Major about it.
ME: Yes, but I will try to wake up every few holes to keep track. Unlike most boring tournaments, where I wake up only once at the end, this tournament is so Major that I have to wake up a lot. It's tough. But I'm ready.
SHERYL: You are a dork, enough about sports. Please pass the salt.

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