Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Remembering the legendary PPGA

I WAS WORKING at The Whig last night when one of the newer sports guys said, "What is the PPGA?"

Matt Schuckman and I started laughing, and we didn't stop. The PPGA was the "Piss Poor Golf Association," and it was run with Tim Finchem-like authority by former Whig Sports Editor Don O'Brien. We'd get together at area courses Sunday mornings and the idea was the badder the golf, the better the results.

Par was shooting 100. If you lost a ball but you thought you knew where it was and found another ball, you could play it without penalty. Hand wedges out of sand traps were acceptable after three whiffs.

After every round Don would write a recap. He even kept an "Order of Merit" stats. Last night Matt found an old blog with some of the recaps and read them out loud, and I almost cried from laughing. Here is the blog from 2005. I am wiping away tears. Maybe you have to know the guys. Man, I miss the PPGA.

If you had a 13 on a hole, it was called a "Gough," in honor of Bob Gough once getting a 13. If you were really bad, you were playing for the "Hardcore Championship." A woeful shot was called "Hausdorfian." We had guys nicknamed "Noodlehauser" and "Fed Ex Bob" as regular tour members. If a member shot a round that was too good, he was in danger of being placed on probation until he sucked bad enough to get back in the tour's good graces.

One day KHQA Sports Director Chris Duerr sprained his ankle on the fourth hole and had to be carted back to the clubhouse. Another day WGEM Sports Director Ben Marth got so ticked off he quit midway through the back nine so he could go home and watch the Bears. Geesh. What a glutton.

I will never forget Eric Ervin tossing his brand new driver into a pond in Barry, and waiting for it to float back to the side.

Then there was former Whig Sportswriter Jeff Rabjohns, who deserves his own chapter. Heck, he deserves his own book. We can't go into detail on this blog, sadly.

One morning at Westview we had the legendary Gordon Pasley announce us as we teed off. We wrote up bios of every player. I just remember shaking with laughter as Gordon enthusiastically boomed out our intros.

Good lord. I'm crying again.

Am I sensing a PPGA reunion event?

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