Why yes, we will play at the inauguration

I'VE BEEN READING on the Interwebs about all the "artists" playing at inauguration parties. It's certainly a star-packed lineup, featuring a lot of country singers who used to lead bands called Lone Star, One Star, Big Star, Four Pointed Star and Burned Out Star. The Washington elite paying big bucks to hear "Proud To Be An American" are certainly getting the bang for their buck.

Apparently a rapper from Florida is getting $1 million to play. A million bucks! It has to be true because I read it online. I hope his lip-sync machine is working and his stage crew has everything cued up and ready.

This float would look good on the streets of D.C. ....

I want to dispel rumors right now that Pepper Spray is playing in D.C. this weekend. They are absolutely false. Actually we were offered a gig on the steps on the Lincoln Memorial, but when Adam Yates said we needed to practice, the rest of us were revolted - Pepper Spray NEVER practices, not even for an incoming president.

I would have done the gig for half a million, if we were allowed to bring spouses and we were staying in a posh Virginia hotel. The organizers balked, even though we are known for being the best jam band ever started on Friday afternoons at a Quincy music store. Our people and their people couldn't agree on the logistics. So we'll stick to Friday happy hours and the occasional parade float or bowling alley benefit gig.

Lest you think it's about politics, it's not. We turned down an offer to play at the inauguration four years ago, mainly because we couldn't get away from our day jobs. Well, I don't really have a day job. The rest of the guys do. You can't just tell the boss you are going to be gone for three days to play a gig on the East Coast for the president, can you?

We are on standby for the next few days, in case somebody has an ideological panic attack or one of the country guys reunites with his band. But only if we get paid a million bucks. Each.

We might even suck it up and practice "Proud To Be An American." Not.